| Friday, April 21, 2006 |
| isa pa!!! |
background: i wrote this last tuesday, before i had my startling realization (See quickie lang entry) so this doesn't apply anymore kasi iba na ang attitude ko towards this 'tough time' ngayon. type ko lang i-post kasi parang ang cute ng pagkasulat ko e, pang pinoy big brother hehe labo! =) kidding aside, i do miss him, love him and think of him still. oh well... i believe there's a reason for it and that i'll understand in due time. and whatever happens next is GG&T na lang.. (God's grace and time) hahah nagimbento pa e noh!
-----
Bakit kailangan pa kitang makilala? Bakit kailangan pa natin magkita? Noon isa ka lamang alaala. Minsan nandito, minsan wala. Pinagtataguan pa nga. Pero kung makabangga ay ok lang naman. Ngayon hindi na kita maalis, at ikaw pa ang hinahanap. Pero nasaan ka na? Bakit ngayon ka nawala? Bakit ngayon pa?
-----
I dive deeper in an attempt to know you, but the more I do, the more my heart breaks. Your past lives in me, and I relive it over and over again. Each time, yes, I find a reason to smile. For no one can know you better if not for the traces you left behind. They bring me closer to you, but to another you, a you I do not know. Each time a smile flickers, wisps of a tear lingers. It shatters my heart, my fortress, for though I see what makes you happy, it is not with me...
Will you ever be mine? Or will you forever be bound to your past, enslaving me with you? Though you set me free, I cannot turn away... I follow you blindly to your tomb and pray to God I be made a part of your heart... or whatever remains of it.
But will I ever? I am gripped with envy of the wounds that had cut you, for they are the ones you could not forget.
And what of the wounds I gave you? They are nothing but a mere scratch though it does not matter. Because a scratch heals all too quickly, and is soon replaced by something new. I would have cut you if I knew it was the only way you will remember me, but hurting you further would have meant my death.
So I will let your memory of me fade, fade into your smile that does not quite reach your eyes, fade into your tears that have hardened too much to fall, fade into your heart that beats not for its own but only for the air that makes it so.
And when all but nothing of me remains, only then can I be free. When I find myself dead to you, only then will I have the courage to live. Because together with my memory’s fading is the demise of all hopes of an us, as will be my bondage to you. Until then, my smile will not quite reach my eyes, my tear will have hardened too much to fall, and my heart will beat not for its own, but only for the air that makes it so.
I will die just the same. But maybe this time, I will go in peace.
-----
You robbed me of everything when I met you, you robbed me of the one thing that made me happy. And you made me happy in your own way. But now you are robbing me again, robbing me of yourself, and robbing me of my life. As always, I am left with nothing. |
posted by Tami @ 8:02 AM
 |
|
|
|
